While grief is normal and natural, most of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful. Grief is the emotional response to loss, but most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is intellectual. The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with loss can be summed up in six myths which are so common that nearly everyone recognizes them. Most people have never questioned whether or not they are valid. The misinforma-tion is best described in the following:
Just looking at the myth that “time heals” creates the idea that a person just has to wait and they will feel better. We have known people who had waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years, and still didn’t feel better. And, we know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it had compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.The Solution
Recovery from loss is accomplished by discov-ering and completing all of the undeli¬v¬ered communications that accrue in relationships. We are all advised to “Let Go,” and “Move On,” after losses of all kinds. Most of us would do that if we knew how. Completion of pain caused by loss is what allows us to let go and move on. It is almost impossible to move on without first taking a series of actions that lead to completion. Before taking the actions to complete, it is im-portant to look at and often dismiss some of the ideas or myths that we have tried to use with loss, but are not working.